You are always following what you conceive of as your own self-interest, regardless of if you are doing something that directly benefits you or whether you are trying to be selfless, be of service, or are sacrificing yourself in some way. You would sacrifice yourself or do some selfless act, because doing it makes you feel good about yourself. If doing it made you feel bad about yourself, you wouldn't do it. Some form of self-interest is inherent in every act we take, whether or not we acknowledge it.
Because there is a general human judgment against self-interest, people generally are not open about their own self-interest. Or they separate their self-interest from doing what they conceive of as virtuous behavior. But as I just pointed out, even virtuous behavior has self-interest at the bottom of it.
Since we are always functioning from some form of self-interest, the real distinction that has to be made is whether that self-interest is enlightened or unevolved -- whether it feels good to the higher part of you, or whether it feels good to the unevolved part of you.
What feels good to your higher self actually benefits you -- such as going toward love, truth, health, real fulfillment, and empowerment. What feels good to the unevolved aspect of yourself is going toward symbolic substitutes for what you really want. You do this when you are shut off from receiving what you really want because of limiting decisions* (unhealed emotional issues) you have made. These symbolic substitutes or substitute desires do not actually benefit you, and are generally harmful to you. Examples are: eating junk food that feels comforting, but is bad for your health; or buying things you can't afford that make you feel like a success. Substitute desires may feel good in the moment, but they don't really benefit you and are generally addictive in nature.
Many people use "being of service" to others for the purpose of making themselves feel valuable or significant or powerful. The self-interest involved here is not enlightened. It is for the purpose of compensating for, or avoiding the pain of, limiting decisions* they have made. In order to avoid the pain of limiting decisions*, you have to disconnect yourself from present moment experience. But it is necessary to be connected to present moment experience in order to be connected to Divine Source. Our connection with Divine Source is what results in real contribution.
The concept of "being of service" is outside-in thinking. By outside-in thinking I mean your focus is on what is outside of yourself as your foundation for reality. You decide what someone else needs (or what they tell you they need) and try to give it to them.
Enlightened self-interest is inside-out thinking, because it comes from your own present moment experience, which is how you are connected to Divine Source. Enlightened self-interest is what keeps us honest and true. Following enlightened self-interest keeps you vulnerable. It keeps you authentic. It keeps you connected to something outside of your control, because what truly matters to you is a fact about who you really are, not something you control. It keeps you from doing harm, because people only do harmful things in order to get a substitute desire met. In getting substitute desires met you have to disconnect yourself from your more evolved self.
Following enlightened self-interest is the act of being who you are. It is coming out into the open with who you are. That is very powerful. When we are following our enlightened self-interest in the context of other people, it can have a transformational effect on ourselves and those we are in contract with. It puts you in co-creation with Divine Source -- with Divine Love, Truth, Intelligence, and so on.
*Limiting decisions: An NLP term used in NLP TimeLine counseling sessions to mean unconscious decisions, made in early childhood, that are some form of that life doesn't work, and usually that there is something inherently wrong with you -- such as "I am powerless,""bad,""unlovable;""People can't be trusted," and so on. Limiting decisions are never true. NLP TimeLine counseling sessions facilitate clearing limiting decisions, in order to release the negative patterns in your life that are caused by them. For more information on limiting decisions and NLP TimeLine sessions, go to: http://www.janecohencounseling.com/content/counseling-services
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Author's Bio: Jane Ilene Cohen is an Intuitive & Transformational NLP Counselor, and an NLP & TimeLine Master Practitioner, with a private practice in San Diego North County (Encinitas). She does individual counseling (includes the NLP TimeLine Process and hypnosis), works with couples and families, and facilitates groups and workshops. She is also the Founder of the "Life is Meant to Work" thought system.
For more about Jane's counseling services, go to www.janecohencounseling.com/content/counseling-services . For a free phone consultation to decide if this is right for you, call Jane at (760) 753-0733.